While some parts of your wedding planning can be delegated to your planner or family members, writing your wedding vows is easily the most personal part of preparing for your day. Expressing intimate emotions toward your partner–likely in front of a crowd of loved ones–can feel like a daunting task. Whether you’re struggling to come up with the inspiration to get started or having trouble finding the right words, these unique tips are sure to help you write wedding vows that your soon-to-be-spouse will never forget!
Ten Unique Tips For Writing Your Wedding Vows
1. Spend a weekend with your favorites as a couple
If you’re the kind of couple who frequently uses movie quotes in regular conversation or exchanges weekly Spotify playlists, dive into your shared favorite media to inspire your vows. If you really identify with a couple on your favorite show, compare yourselves to their relationship in your vows. Struggling to put your feelings into words? Quote your favorite novel, poem, or song lyrics and expand on the theme as you write.
We love what officiant Tuscan Wedding Officiant says about this. “Seek inspiration: look around for elements that inspire you. Read poems or novels, listen to your favorite love songs, watch some romantic movies. Find anything you can relate to that will help you get into that romantic mood. But don’t be tempted to simply use someone else’s words, try putting it in your own words instead. You don’t want to sound like someone else on that day, especially considering that you’re speaking to your partner—who knows you and loves you just the way you are!”
2. Go on a couple’s retreat
Writing can be a challenge when there’s too much noise. Escape the hustle and bustle of everyday life and enjoy each other’s company in a secluded location. Rent an Airbnb or a cabin in the woods to spend a few days reflecting on your relationship and discussing the future. Your time as an engaged couple doesn’t last long, making this experience even sweeter.
3. Interview married couples you admire
Remember that writing your vows includes making promises to your partner for the future. To find out what makes a healthy marriage work, check in with couples whose marriages you look up to. The insight they share–whether it’s from one year of marriage or fifty–will be invaluable to your own marriage and your vows. Plus, how fun would it be to interview your parents, grandparents, or favorite married friends about their love and how their relationship has changed over the course of their marriage?
Wedding photographer Magdalene Kourti has great suggestions about weaving their advice into your vows. Her suggestions? “Ensure that you’re in agreement on personalized wedding vows, gain inspiration by wedding vows examples, interview couples you admire, reflect on your relationship, include promises in your vows, don’t be afraid to add a story in between, give it your all, and be creative.”
4. Meet up with your partner’s best friend
While you may think that no one knows your partner as well as you do, there’s one person who might–their best man or maid of honor! Besides wanting to have a great friendship with the person who is so important to your future spouse, hanging out with them one-on-one may give you some ideas for what to write in your vows.
They could share a funny story you’ve never heard of your partner’s reaction to your first date or memory that slipped your mind. Don’t underestimate how special it is to hear how loved ones view your relationship and what they find so exceptional about your love.
If you’re not sure where to start, Junebug member Teri B Photography shared one of her favorite unique vow stories with us. “I had a couple that shared vows privately. Then during the ceremony, they had their Best Man and Maid of Honor read the first conversation from their dating app. It was well received by the guests and also gave a unique insight into how these two met and how far they’ve come. Unexpectedly sweet.”
5. Write each other love letters
Many wedding vows take the form of a love letter, so write some! Allow us to set the scene:
You’re sitting together on the floor of your living room, back to back, giggling and maybe crying as you write each other love letters that you won’t share until your wedding day. Utterly romantic and a memory you’ll cherish.
To make your love letter a little more personal, write it down in a customized vow book. We love what Junebug member Autumn Lynne Photography had to say about the idea, “I feel very strongly that writing your vows should start with finding a customized booklet to write them in. This will create a keepsake of your vows and ensure that they don’t end up as a crumpled piece of paper in the back of a drawer. Even I—a wedding photographer—regret not writing my own vows in a booklet because now I have no idea where they are. Being able to revisit your promises to each other is important to your relationship as a married couple.”
Having your vows written in a book also creates beautiful images during your ceremony. A vow book is sturdy and gives you something strong to hold onto while you are exchanging vows. We all get nervous, and a shaking piece of notebook paper or holding your phone isn’t something you want captured in your wedding photos.”
6. Tell someone the story of how you met
Most of the people in your life probably know the story of how you met your fiance. But retelling it to someone who has never heard it can be pretty magical. Recalling all of the little things that brought you together–knowing what you know now–makes your story feel like the greatest fairytale ever told. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself laughing or even crying, especially if you share the moment you realized this was the person you wanted to spend your whole life with!
7. Remember to be yourself
Professing your love to your person in front of your wedding guests is incredibly special and romantic. But, instead of aiming to find the perfect words on the internet, you should speak straight from the heart. Whether you include inside jokes, a memory, or something that is unique to your relationship, the most important thing is to be yourself.
Here is what Junebug member TuscanPledges had to say about it, “The only rule is ‘be yourself.’ Don’t write anything that makes you a crowd-pleaser, unless you really feel what you are saying. Remember that when you’re there, facing your partner, the true meaning of what you wrote is going to dawn on you, so it had better be real!
Also, keep your vows short, three to four lines max. You may not be aware of the effect the intensity of the moment will have on you, even if you consider yourself cool and collected. Personal vows are what make a wedding feel real, so make an effort to write your own!”
8. Practice reading our vows aloud
Once you have your vows written, make sure you practice reading them. Writing your vows is one thing—reading them aloud is another. Sometimes you can write your feelings down on a piece of paper and when you read them out loud, the words sound completely different. Plus, if you have a chance to read them out loud, you can add pauses for tears—and breaths—and can make sure you don’t get tongue-tied. If you stumble over any sections or phrases take some time to rephrase them.
Just listen to what photographer VILD Photography has to say, “Read your wedding vows out loud! Reading your vows aloud will help you determine whether you are coming in on time. It will also let you hear your words to make sure they don’t sound awkward. Use this opportunity to get comfortable reading them and it will give you a chance to include any pauses or emphasis you think will make the speech more effective. When the time comes to recite your vows on your wedding day, you’ll be filled with emotions. Knowing your vows by heart will help as your hands get a little shaky.”
9. Keep your vows a secret
Sharing your vows with your partner can take away half of the nerves about reciting them. But hear us out, don’t peek, and don’t let your partner peek either! Your wedding vows are a unique opportunity to tell your partner your feelings and thoughts about them. It’s possible that some of these thoughts and feelings haven’t ever been shared between the two of you. It’s both sweet and sentimental.
Photographers The Ferros agrees with us. We love the advice they shared, “think about ways to bring personal touches to your vows, taking this moment as a chance to say all of the unsaid things to your other half. This really is a celebration of your beautiful relationship. So keep the vows a secret from your partner until the ceremony. Your vows are a gift to one another, so don’t share them ahead of time!”
10. Short and simple vows
If you’re fumbling over words or are worried about reading aloud the day of, keep your vows short and simple. Most feelings can easily be said in under a minute. Junebug member Brisbane City Celebrants reiterated this advice to us, “if either of you is feeling particularly nervous about speaking in front of your guests on the day of, take the pressure off yourselves. Keep your vows short and simple so you won’t have any extra butterflies in your stomach.
The experience of recounting your relationship history can play an interesting role in crafting your vows, as you have a recent refresher on the timeline of your love. Not to mention, you’re probably giddy with the same butterflies you had way back when which can be the perfect touch to your heartfelt vows.
Still aren’t sure if you want to read traditional vows or write your own? Here are some pros and cons of writing your wedding vows to consider!
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