You’ve got the entire wedding day planned, from the getting ready playlist to the sparkler send-off, but there’s still one important piece of your wedding left to figure out: your ceremony vows! Deciding whether or not to write your own vows is key when it comes to planning your ceremony. In fact, it’s probably the first thing your officiant will ask you. Will you recite the traditional vows? Will you opt for vows written by yourself? Or will you decide on vows somewhere in between the two? Some couples view writing their vows as a beautiful opportunity while others experience nausea immediately. There’s no right answer, which is why we’ve created a pros and cons list to help you decide which option is best for you!

Pros

1. You know your relationship better than anyone else 

Traditional vows might not cover it for your relationship. Sometimes, we want to say more and promise something more specific. For example, when I wrote my vows to my husband, I included a few lyrics from one of our favorite songs. Getting to personalize our vows in that way definitely changed the entire tone of the ceremony and our guests loved that we included them in such an intimate and emotional exchange.

2. You get to be as creative as you want!

Sing, dance, write a poem, or include some comical relief, whatever you want to do with your vows is up to you!

3. It will mean so much more coming from you 

Affirmation is a big love language for many and hearing your other half tell you exactly why they love you and how they plan on cherishing that love is undeniably beautiful. When you write your own vows, you get the opportunity to let your partner, and your wedding guests, know just how you feel. It’s a bold and courageous move that won’t be lost on your partner!

Photo by Max & Friends

While the pros definitely persuaded me, writing ceremony vows is not for everyone. Here are some cons for those of you who are still unsure:

Cons

1. Public speaking is harder than it looks

Not everyone enjoys speaking in front of a crowd. If you think speaking for a minute or two in front of family and friends is going to stress you out, don’t do it! The last thing you want to be on your wedding day is stressed.

2. Not everyone is a Shakespeare 

No, we’re not saying you need to know iambic pentameter in order to write your own vows; however, we are saying that not everyone feels confident putting pen to paper. It can be an intimidating task. Don’t force yourself to express your love in a way you normally wouldn’t.

3. Putting yourself out there can be scary

There’s no way getting around the fact that when you write your own vows, you have to be completely open about your emotions to your partner, in front of your guests. If you don’t like talking about anything mushy/gushy or if you don’t like sharing your emotions, then writing your own vows might not be for you.

Photo by Michelle Arlotta Photography

Bottom line: don’t let anything about you wedding stress you out too much! If you’re feeling uneasy about writing your own vows, then forget about it. You want to feel carefree and relaxed when you marry your best friend, so don’t feel obligated to do anything outside of your comfort zone. For those of you who are writing your ceremony vows, be on the lookout for more articles on writing vows soon!